Control | The Men's Workshop

Mens Family Violence Help

Some people think that angry and violent men must be mentally ill or “crazy”. Sometimes even the men themselves think this. But the majority of men who are violent to their partners are, in all other respects, leading normal lives. Most are not violent outside of the home. They are able to control their anger in other settings.

Men who have been violent to their partners may describe themselves as being “out of control” when the violence happens. Yet many men have described how they can turn off their behaviour when other people are around.

We all have a lot more control over our behaviour than we perhaps give ourselves credit for. In the heat of the moment we may not be aware of the choices we make, but we nevertheless make them. We choose the way we speak and act with other people. Even when very angry and distressed, the choice is still there as to whether to be violent or to find another way to deal with the situation.

“If someone knocked on the door when I was pushing Maureen around, I would instantly become Mr Nice Guy, but the second they left, I would start exactly where I had left off.”
John [29 years]

“I’m not sure why it is that I can keep my cool at work, especially with some of my workmates who really get on my nerves at times. I guess I do have more control than I think. I realised that in a way I liked it that Philippa was afraid of me - I could nearly always get her to do what I wanted.”
Adrian [32 years]

Call NOW for appointments